Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
