You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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