On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I've blown a few things in my day
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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