do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize