i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize