he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
