I just pynch a tree in the face
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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