I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
