you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
soo... how was my night?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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