If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
