he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
it hurts more in the daytime
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
