I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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