Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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