I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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