Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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