I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
