yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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