that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
