it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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