the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
