dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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