Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
