Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
