ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
