Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
