I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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