toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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