Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Randomize
