Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize