just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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