You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
