I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
