There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
