why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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