I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm always down for nudity.
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