Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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