Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
