I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
