Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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