what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
