you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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