New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I deserve this hangover.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
