batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
