please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
