i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
