Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
