I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
