Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
