White coat. Heels.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
