one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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