So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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