Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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