Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
