I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
