I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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