i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
