im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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