In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
BRING THE BAGELS
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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