like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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