you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
high people should be assigned attendants
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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