Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
