She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
