Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
