I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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