I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
