I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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