i would punch a child for taco bell
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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