Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
