Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
