Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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